This past year I have had so many people compare me to a “modern-day Job.” I don’t feel worthy of that title in any way. I may have had my whole life taken away from me, but Job’s family died, and mine have not. For that I am forever thankful. So why then is everyone comparing my trial to Job’s trial??
Flashback: It all started 1 ½ years ago before the car accident even happened. My luck with life was just bad. Everything kept going wrong and I had so many hurdles I was jumping over with college, my health, and close relationships. In addition to that I felt like I was under a lot of dark spiritual attack.
I remember talking to my little sister Esther on the phone and telling her about what was going on. She prayed for me and then told me she felt very strongly that what I was going through was like Job in the bible. I remember grinning and thinking it was sweet that she said that, but I didn’t feel like my life was at all comparable to Job! I had some difficult things going on, but Job had everything taken from him! His entire life was turned upside down.
Little did I know that God was showing Esther something about my future. Little did I know that in just a few months I was about to have everything in my life taken from me.
My life turned upside down: A few months later I was in a car crash. My car was at a stop and someone hit me from behind, flinging my car several hundred feet forward and messing me up pretty bad. That night I started to forget my birthday, names, and more. I was diagnosed with a severe traumatic brain-stem injury and spinal cord damage.
I was in terrible pain throughout my entire body, I was half blind, I couldn’t walk without help, and this was just the beginning of my symptoms. I was in my senior year of college working towards graduate school. I had landed an incredible job working with a great company and I was also working in a research lab. Everything was in order for my planned future… I lost it all. Everything.
I had to drop out of college, I lost my amazing job, and I lost my research opportunity that was helping get me into graduate school. I lost my apartment and had to move back home with my parents so they could take care of me 24/7. I am a very independent and ambitious person. So losing my independence and not being able to even walk to the bathroom without help was humbling. To lose all of my ambitions and plans for the future was aggravating.
Everything I had worked so hard for was gone. I had no income, no control of my body, and had the doctors giving me worse news every time I saw them. My vision was so blurred I couldn’t even see myself in the mirror. My brain injury really messed up my equilibrium so I felt like I was spinning at 30 mph all of the time. I had shooting pains from my head down to my feet. I was nauseous and couldn’t eat. I was in a spinning, blurry world that I had no control over. All I could control was how I would react. So I chose to hang onto my faith with everything in me..
When I started to make a little progress with my brain injury, I had other medical conditions arise and I was rushed to the ER. After that, my body started to get worse and worse. I was bed ridden for a year and could still barely walk without help, and my pain was getting worse. It was at this time that my doctors suspected an additional neurological problem on top of the TBI and everything else I was facing.
This was a few months ago and I am in the middle of being tested for various autoimmune disorders. I don’t know if I am facing terminal illness or if there will be a cure for what I have. All I know is that my body feels like it is deteriorating.
Back to the “modern day Job” situation. Let’s begin with the actual story of Job: In Job Chapter 1 Satan tells God the only reason Job serves the Lord is because God had blessed him with business, wealth, and family. God tells Satan that if everything was taken from Job, he would still remain faithful to the Lord. It’s here that Satan asks God to take everything from Job, and the Lord gives him permission to do just that.
A lot of people say that God was testing Job, but God knew that Job was going to pass the test. So I don’t think that He was actually “testing” Job. Rather, God held Job in such high regard that he allowed him to prove Satan wrong. However, Job had no knowledge of what was going on in the heavenly realms when his whole world came crashing down. All he knew was that he lost everything, and he didn’t know why. Yet, he remained faithful to the Lord and proved to Satan that his love for the Lord went deeper than what God could do for him.
I think that my trial is just because I live in a fallen world where car accidents and sickness occur. But because many people have told me that they believe I am going through a “Job” trial, I wonder if I am?? Maybe there is some wager going on in the spiritual realm that I am unaware of?? IF that is the case, I can think of no higher honor. All I would have to say is, “Bring it on!!”
I will go through anything, and I will lose everything, but I will never turn away from my Lord. I will never stop loving Him. Maybe I have lost my whole life, but I will not run away from my God. I will go through agonizing pain. I will give up my college, my career, my independence, my plans and my dreams. I will go through it all and more if it will prove that I love God more than anything! He has never forsaken me and I will never forsake Him. Satan, bring on your wager, you’re going down ;)!!
How can I feel this way? Because I serve an incredible God!! A God who left His heavenly kingdom to come down to earth and teach us how to love. A God who was nailed to a cross so that we would have a way into heaven (if we choose to accept it). I serve a God who is full of love and mercy and forgiveness. The God of second, and third, and millionth chances. He is a faithful and kind God. A God who hates evil and desires good for all of us. If you invite Him into your life, He will never leave your side. Even if you drift away from Him from time to time, He won’t leave you. As soon as you decide to turn back to Him, He is right there waiting with open arms. Wow! How could I not give everything for someone who is SO wonderful??
I think when you really know who Jesus is, and you have a clear view of Him (NOT based on what others have said but based on the TRUTH of who He is) then you’re willing to give up your health, job, family, and everything in your life for the Lord, because He is more than worth it.
My commitment to God is not based on my family. It is not based on my job, my health, or based on if I’m disabled. I don’t want to make lightly of those things, but Jesus is so much more than all of that. Many of you know exactly what I am talking about :). For those of you who don’t, I pray that one day you will.
Jesus said that the kingdom of God is like a pearl so priceless that a man would sell everything he had in order to buy that pearl. When we meet the Lord and get to know Him, we soon see that there is nothing like Him, and it is worth giving anything in order to follow Him.
So to this world, to Satan, and to every trial that hits my way I say, “Bring it on!!!” Nothing will shake my love for the Lord. But with each trial I will hold on tighter to my Lord and He will bring me through. Psalm 62:6 “He alone is my rock and salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.”
I don’t know where you are in life, or what you are facing. But I want to encourage you to keep holding onto the Lord. Let Him be the rock that holds you in place. And keep in mind that whether your trial is being caused by something in the spiritual realm OR by living in a fallen world, either way, God is the only one that can get you through. So keep holding on my fellow soldiers :).
Matthew 13: 44-46 “The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.”